Rules For DJ`ing

Just had to include this from my Bebo page a while back, as many other DJ`s will probably read this at some point.

Rules For DJ`ing

1. I will play your request if and when I see fit. I will not play it NEXT!

2. It's too early to play Dancing In The Fucking Dark, you wouldn't phone up the BBC at 2.30 pm and ask 'Can you show tonight's EastEnders now please?'

3. No you cant look through my CD's, I'm a DJ not a fucking jukebox!

4. If the music's so crap, how come the dancefloor is full and you're the only one complaining?

5. No, I cant play the CD you've got in the car.

6. When I play your request, dont run up waving your arms shouting that it wasn't the one you asked for, it is! It may not have been what you meant, but it is the one you asked for.

7. It was on 10 minutes ago, I'm not playing it again. I dont care if you are just in the door, you should have been here earlier.

8. I'm not playing it next because you are about to leave. If it means that much to you, you'll happily stay a bit longer. You're probably lying anyway.

9. No, the boss did not say I was to play it, you liar!

10. No I'm not giving your gang a mention on the mic!

11. If I agree to play your request, dont come up again 5 minutes later and look at me like I've just shat on your living room carpet because you haven't heard it yet.

12. If I play your request pretty quickly, it is not a licence to come up and ask for a new request every 5 minutes.

13. You are pissed and annoying the hell out of me, go away!

14. It's not a karaoke night, and no you cant sing along with the mic anyway.

15. I dont care how gorgeous or important you think you are, you'll wait for your request like everyone else.

16. No I dont love you.

17. No I wont turn it down, you're the one who chose to sit right underneath a speaker!

18. No you cant have a shot DJing, and no you cant MC over the mic.

19. The music's not shite, you just don't like it. There's a difference! And dont think for one second you're speaking on behalf of the entire crowd, you're not! See no.13.

20. It's closing time, the night's over so no I will not play 'just one more'! I've done my night's work and now I want to go home and drink vodka! See no.13.